I think about Darwin sometimes. Evolution and survival of the fittest. Put me in a time machine to the caveman era and I would rot in my cave alone or be kicked out of the clan. Depression, anxiety, bipolar, would feed me to the figurative and literal wolves.
Without the aid of the 21st century “life support”: meds, therapy, sober livings, intensive outpatients, and more meds: people like me…we would rot in our caves of closed blinds, isolation, Netflix, razor blades, pills, alcohol, and food that gets eaten or not.
The title is tongue and cheek. This blog will mostly be me being an asshole, but there are going to be some serious posts about my struggles with sobriety and my mental health issues.
I have been trying to get sober for five years with a legion of chronic, painful, shaming relapses along the way. Right now I have 107 days sober from alcohol and drugs. Sheer willpower or “white knuckling it” as they say in AA. Another saying that implies that AA and the program they present is the only way to get and stay sober. Something that I don’t appreciate at this point in my life. I am disillusioned and cynical about most of the major themes in the AA program. I’ll get to that later.
I live in a sober living surrounded by other kids in their 20’s that are sent here by their rich mommies and daddies. I’m just trying to get the basic information out there in this post. I could rant, bitch, victimize myself, and be a downright asshole about sober living life for paragraphs upon paragraphs. More so than AA.
I believe that I need to stay sober, but I think that sober livings and AA are not the only way to do it. A topic to get to on another day. When I’ve had more coffee and I am particularly peeved by the insolent, incompetent bitches that work here at my sober living and power trip because their lives are smaller than mine.
My current mental health diagnoses is bipolar 2. The bitch of living.
Okay, this post is dragging on forever and ever. They took me off my Vyvanse because they thought I was starving myself. (I also have a gnarly eating disorder)
So, goodbye the ghost of the internet that I imagine is reading my post.