How to Get a Free Pizza

There’s a “rule” in AA that you shouldn’t mess around with newcomers or people with little clean time when you have more time sober. I don’t necessarily think this is an arbitrary “rule”, newcomers are sensitive and vulnerable, but I resent that modern AA has made up rules along the way that are not in the Big Book and judges people that do not follow them. Besides, I’m pretty much a newcomer myself. I judge people as people and do see their time sober stamped on their head.

However, my dick picker has been off as of late. I pick the WORST guys. Yesterday I was at an AA meeting and sat relatively close to a semi-cute guy. I decided the only way to make the meeting anything less than worthless in my eyes was to pick up this guy and have him validate me. So of course that’s what I did.

I ignored the stale stench of weed on him and focused on his comments about my out of this world eyes and beauty. He didn’t even want to fuck me, but that’s all I know with men: how to fuck them. I don’t know how to carry on a conversation that isn’t innuendo without feeling self conscious and tongue tied and I don’t know how to feel validated if it isn’t through a man’s orgasm.

There’s no reason to continue the story; he’s just like the rest of them. I make him just like the rest of them. I ruin potential relationships by jumping the gun or, rather, jumping on the dick.

However, before I sign off, I did promise a tip on how to get free pizza. He called Pieology in Westwood and told them he just got a pie and accidentally dropped it outside right away. He asked if he could get a new one. They said  yes. I don’t know why. I guess stoners always get their pizza. What a guy…

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vaskeswitchyways

⏣Nobody makes me laugh more than myself ⏣I practice raising my left eyebrow in the mirror way too much. Don’t get me started on winking ⏣I laugh a lot during sex and I’ve had to analyze it with my therapist ⏣I have a strategy to catch men called the Pussy Trick. It works better than push up bras and short skirts

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